dear elijah.

dear little babe,

I want you to know how much I love my one and only brother, your pops. I will always remember the time he carried me piggy-back all the way to the top of some peak at Yellowstone National Park. and I can't forget when he dressed up as prince charming (with a head of bleached-blonde hair) and danced with all my friends and me at my 6th birthday party. I still remember the day he left on his mission and the day he came home.

mostly, I'll remember the semester we spent together at BYU--my first, his last. my first day of college, I went into the Cougareat, and there he was. and every week he would come pick me up to watch House at his apartment. it was on those nights that he taught me to appreciate the true value of Hamburger Helper. on fridays, Melissa would come to Provo and the 3 of us ate at the Malt Shoppe. Melissa and I would try to give him girl advice. but we were never really that good at it. that's why we were grateful when he met and fell in love with your mommers, Jennifer. your dad picked me up when I got in that terrible car accident. afterward, he dropped me off to an apartment full of slightly insensitive roommates and freshman boys. he told them kindly to be a little nicer than usual to me. at the end of that semester, when he was graduating, I helped him move out of that 900 E apartment. it was over Christmas break and the heater had been turned off and broke. while I slept in my warm apartment across town, he couldn't sleep and moved most of his belongings into the car. on our way out of town that early morning, he drove me around to take some pictures for our sister Kate. on the way home, we dedicated ourselves to memorizing every word of Nickel Creek's The Fox.

and now, although logic defies it, it is so easy for me to believe this reality. that he is a dad. it's natural and familiar the way he makes sure I wash my hands before I touch you. or when he gets nervous when I change positions with you in my arms. he is your dad and my brother.

you are my first nephew. being the youngest, you are the first baby I've ever really known. and I love you to bits.

elijah bowlder mcdonald

born november 20, 2009

7 lbs 11oz

Ariel has a super nice camera and I borrowed it a few boring fridays ago.

I feel like my life is a Firefox window with 46 tabs open. and I wish it was Safari because it's cleaner and faster. and I keep forgetting things. like, my cell phone. or a pen. I don't even use my planner anymore. I do have a giant task list with boxes. I like the boxes--they are the hope that I might get something done. mostly, my strategy is just to react to things in their immediacy. this is a terrible strategy. there is so much to do, and so much information that interests me, and most of it is digital. I just need to be able to focus. my mom always tells me, "you can do a lot of things, but you can't do everything at once." good, better, best.

applying for internships in Salt Lake for next semester and D.C. for the summer. I'm really excited about both prospects but still feel my loyalties divided. where do I belong?

listening to an episode of This American Life about books that change people, a girl reads a letter from her grandfather who is very sick. he says, "I don't at all approve of my own extinction. I don't like the idea of it one bit. Though reason assures me that the world can get along very nicely without me, I can't quite believe that it will."

my mental capacity is only currently available for appreciating good writing, no longer analyzing or commenting and especially no creating. here are some things I have been creating:

a review of an Orem restaurant, Terra Mia.
a podcast interview with the owner of Provo hot dog stand, J Dawgs.
I really like Twitter. I use it a lot and it really does hurt every time someone rolls their eyes at me for using it.

golf for matt.

little Matt is having a golf tournament at South Gate Golf Course in St. George. Matt and his family are really close friends of mine and my parents. I love them and am touched by their faith and diligence in caring for their son Matt. please register! click here to register and learn more.

about Matt:

Matt is very much a miracle baby! We are lucky to have him with us. Matt was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy following a traumatic birth. Matt suffered a brain injury due to lack of oxygen as a result of a uterine rupture that affected his fine, gross and oral motor skills.Shortly after Matt's birth the neonatologist was preparing to tell us that Matt would notsurvive; however, what they did not know at the time is that Matthew is a fighter! In fact, he has been fighting ever since to enjoy life and reach his full potential.