Come to the Lord often

I've been feeling really, really awful lately. It's hard for me to get out of bed, get to work on time, and stay at work the whole day. I just haven't been myself. Even though I don't feel like I'm at my spiritual strongest right now, I have been leaning — as I always have — on praying.

But it's not the act of praying alone. It's the reality that someone is there and cares that forces me to believe in God that I lean on. For whatever reason, it totally helps.

That's why today, these verse were especially wonderful to me from Zenos.

When I did turn to my house thou didst hear me in my prayer. 
And when I did turn unto my coset, O Lord, and prayed unto thee, thou didst hear me. 
Yea, thou art merciful unto thy children when they cry unto thee, to be heard of thee and not of men, and thou wilt hear them.
Yeah, O God, thou has been merciful unto me...
And thou didst hear me because of mine afflictions and my sincerity; and it is because of they Son that thou hast been thus merciful unto me, therefore I will cry unto thee in all mine afflictions, for in thee is my joy.
(Alma 33: 6-11). 

Last night, Blake gave me a blessing in which he said that I should "Come to the Lord often." And I have. Even just today. At work when I was sick countless times. When I wanted to cry because someone else hurt me. When I thought my boss was being too hard on me. Each time, I came to the Lord, — just a thought in my mind — and each time I felt a little sustaining from him. 

back.

of course I'm having an identity crisis. it's what I do best. and I've been avoiding the old college try in all its forms. reading Huffington Post's chapter on better blogging for my new media class guilted me into posting. I don't have anything specific to say. I just need to get in the habit of saying something. the identity of my blog has changed in the last few months--and the lack of posts since India-mania reflects my own personal confusion. I don't know how to balance my time in India with the rest of my identity. what I am asking of you is that you stay with me while I re-explore all that I had in the last 2 years--but post-India.

school has started and I'm rediscovering how appropriate it is that what you study to get a degree in is called a major. that way, the major crisis I have at the beginning of every semester has a double meaning. but the first week of school is over and so is my crisis. I am remaining a double major in Print Journalism and American Studies with a minor in International Development. in other words, I'm graduating in another 3 years. the words of a devotional last semester keep ringing through my head: "you don't reach Serendip by plotting a course for it. you have to set out in good faith for elsewhere and lost your bearings...serendipitously" (Matthew J. Shumway, BYU, 2009).

I guess for now that's all I have to say. I am erasing the 10 GB of pictures on my SD cards, keeping it all on my computer of course. but promise to take some of the empty memory to campus and start documenting my life now. not my life then.