trying.

i'm trying here. i wish there was a better word for stress than 'stress.' i feel like it's overused. or underestimated.

i am in rapid alternation between sheer trepidation and propitiousness. i used to go through weeks when i would be fine. then the next week i would be panicked. it shrunk down to alternating days. now i am in moments. honestly moments. an oh so wise mother reminded me that the chance of a good outcome, a promise of hope is

faith.

i almost immediately collapse into doubt. so. keep on trying.

so let's you and me make a deal. don't check back here until...friday morning. and i promise to have something wonderful. i wish i could spend each thought and each capture and each experience here with you. but for now, i must pass it by. i must remain hopeful amid my ominous sky of proving myself.

joni mitchell + meet me in st. louis + warm weather + relief + wondrous gift giving + 3 movies a day with meg + an exciting wedding+ all of you await me. but not till day 21.

xo.