11.10.2009


Ariel has a super nice camera and I borrowed it a few boring fridays ago.

I feel like my life is a Firefox window with 46 tabs open. and I wish it was Safari because it's cleaner and faster. and I keep forgetting things. like, my cell phone. or a pen. I don't even use my planner anymore. I do have a giant task list with boxes. I like the boxes--they are the hope that I might get something done. mostly, my strategy is just to react to things in their immediacy. this is a terrible strategy. there is so much to do, and so much information that interests me, and most of it is digital. I just need to be able to focus. my mom always tells me, "you can do a lot of things, but you can't do everything at once." good, better, best.

applying for internships in Salt Lake for next semester and D.C. for the summer. I'm really excited about both prospects but still feel my loyalties divided. where do I belong?

listening to an episode of This American Life about books that change people, a girl reads a letter from her grandfather who is very sick. he says, "I don't at all approve of my own extinction. I don't like the idea of it one bit. Though reason assures me that the world can get along very nicely without me, I can't quite believe that it will."

my mental capacity is only currently available for appreciating good writing, no longer analyzing or commenting and especially no creating. here are some things I have been creating:

a review of an Orem restaurant, Terra Mia.
a podcast interview with the owner of Provo hot dog stand, J Dawgs.
I really like Twitter. I use it a lot and it really does hurt every time someone rolls their eyes at me for using it.

11.05.2009

golf for matt.

little Matt is having a golf tournament at South Gate Golf Course in St. George. Matt and his family are really close friends of mine and my parents. I love them and am touched by their faith and diligence in caring for their son Matt. please register! click here to register and learn more.

about Matt:
Matt is very much a miracle baby! We are lucky to have him with us. Matt was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy following a traumatic birth. Matt suffered a brain injury due to lack of oxygen as a result of a uterine rupture that affected his fine, gross and oral motor skills.Shortly after Matt's birth the neonatologist was preparing to tell us that Matt would notsurvive; however, what they did not know at the time is that Matthew is a fighter! In fact, he has been fighting ever since to enjoy life and reach his full potential.

10.25.2009

mary sheela.

i received an e-mail today from a SB volunteer coordinator in New York. another volunteer sent him this to pass on to me, from Mary Sheela. my darling little 4th grader. first one I ever taught bium pum pum to. I miss her so much. I miss feeling the way I felt there every day.


Dear Amy,
I miss playing, singing, and dancing burump um pum. I still have your photo. I also have the eraser and the sticker. I am so sad without you. You are in my heart. I am waiting for you to come back to Shanti Bhavan. Did you forget me? I have sad news. I was depromoted because I never studied well.
Love,
Mary

10.22.2009

patience.



"I know what it's like to freeze to death"
- james taylor

aquarium video.

Kuroshio Sea - 2nd largest aquarium tank in the world - (song is Please don't go by Barcelona) from Jon Rawlinson on Vimeo.



my friend doug showed me this video today, mentioning he watches it at least once a day. it is of the Kuroshio Sea, the 2nd largest aquarium tank in the world. video by Jon Rawlinson.

there's something calming and encompassing about it.

10.14.2009

time capsule



I saw this warhol time capsule project via hi + low. recently I'm interested in all things post-modern because I am studying it in my post-modern humanities class, funnily enough. I feel desperate to preserve things and don't know if I could do it the way he did.

10.05.2009

i made this for you.


yphotos via poppytalk's series from something's hiding in here: i made this for you.

I really wish I was as creative, clever, and thoughtful as these people.

nice thing.

I found this surprise between my 2 pillows last week. Ariel is so thoughtful, writing my personal terms of endearment like "babe city" and "love you amers." I love this girl.

10.03.2009

china celebrates.


great photos of China's 60th year celebration. via The Boston Globe.

9.29.2009

studying.

image via audreyhepburncomplex

"for the world I count it not an Inn, but a Hospital, and a place not to live but to die in."
- Sir Thomas Browne, Religio Medici

I don't feel this way--I just read it and thought it was beautiful.

jonas.

I liked this tv show before, but yesterday when Joe asked for diamonds on the soles of his shoes, it validated my existence.

9.28.2009

to do:


things we forget

9.21.2009

I was thinking:


I successfully sat next to a baby blue t-shirt today. took me 3 weeks. moving at a snail's pace is okay.

the world is small because we were meant to meet each other. don't you think? if you didn't live underneath me this year, we would have met next year because you were on the same high school track team as my ex-boyfriend. or if you weren't a TA, we would have met because you lived in CP in the summer and I lived there in the winter and even though we never overlapped, we would still have mutual friends and therefore would have met at some girl's surprise birthday party.

things like buying a trash can for our kitchen give me anxiety. are we going to split the cost among the 4 of us? not that I don't mind paying the entire $7--but if I do, that means I have to figure out what I'm doing next summer. will I move it to my new apartment while I do an internship in Salt Lake? or will I be staying in this apartment? will it go to the new residents of #12 while I leave the world behind for a year and a half? or will I take it to a new apartment with a husband? or will I store it at my parents while I attend the high school graduation of 13 Indians?

and last year at this time I was writing sappy poetry about the eyes of potential suitors at my door.

polyvore.


I discovered polyvore via this blog and thought it was neat. if I had more time I could actually do it instead of just blog about it. someday. but it's a site that allows you to make your own collage with a million different products and images. I thought it was pretty clever.

9.10.2009

empty thoughts.

I wish I had more time to think about things other than school and work. but I don't.

I am still TAing for American Heritage. this semester I am the luckiest TA though. I am teaching the international sections--which means I am teaching all the non-American students in the class. in my first lab last week I cried--I just loved seeing those beautiful people from all over the world in one room. they are all so brave.

I really like school. sometimes I can't believe that I being at BYU is kind of permanent. walking through the bookstore this year was different--instead of organizing things by classes, they organized them alphabetically. that means I see books for lots of other classes. they all look so interesting.

I have more responsibilities than ever, and I am kind of getting used to this whole adult thing. I like it. I have a long way to go before I am a real adult, but I am feeling older every day.

my creative juices aren't flowing. and that's all there is to it. I am writing for BYU's news blog. check it out. my first post.

missed connections.

missed connections.

9.09.2009

september 9.

beautiful photo by Oscar Wong.
via all the mountains.

9.07.2009

back.

of course I'm having an identity crisis. it's what I do best. and I've been avoiding the old college try in all its forms. reading Huffington Post's chapter on better blogging for my new media class guilted me into posting. I don't have anything specific to say. I just need to get in the habit of saying something. the identity of my blog has changed in the last few months--and the lack of posts since India-mania reflects my own personal confusion. I don't know how to balance my time in India with the rest of my identity. what I am asking of you is that you stay with me while I re-explore all that I had in the last 2 years--but post-India.

school has started and I'm rediscovering how appropriate it is that what you study to get a degree in is called a major. that way, the major crisis I have at the beginning of every semester has a double meaning. but the first week of school is over and so is my crisis. I am remaining a double major in Print Journalism and American Studies with a minor in International Development. in other words, I'm graduating in another 3 years. the words of a devotional last semester keep ringing through my head: "you don't reach Serendip by plotting a course for it. you have to set out in good faith for elsewhere and lost your bearings...serendipitously" (Matthew J. Shumway, BYU, 2009).

I guess for now that's all I have to say. I am erasing the 10 GB of pictures on my SD cards, keeping it all on my computer of course. but promise to take some of the empty memory to campus and start documenting my life now. not my life then.

8.30.2009

butchas.

near the beginning of my stay in India, my boss asked me in an e-mail if I wouldn't mind picking up a rock for her there. she has collected many rocks from many different places and I said I didn't mind a bit. but I have to admit I laughed because a rock from India is not unlike a rock from St. George or Provo. on my last day, though, I snatched a rock from 3rd grade Nandini, realizing there was so much life to the rocks here.

my first time at P.T. (Physical Training) 2 first grade boys were playing a game in the dirt with small stones. they drew a 4-square box in the dirt, each placing 3 rocks in corners of their choice. the boys started shifting the stones, and then would yell at each other like they were grown men in an argument over a fender-bender. waving their hands and shouting like maniacs. I don't know what they were saying because I didn't understand their accents then. I soon came to learn how to play the game and thought it quite clever. it is akin to tic-tac-toe with a little more complication. I couldn't believe these four and five-year-olds playing a game that seemed to take so much brain power. it was a mind game and I remember thinking that it is human nature to make use of what we have. for these kids, it is dirt and stones. throughout my 3 months, I learned many more games that make the best of a stone and a little South-India dirt.

playing 5-stones was not nearly as fun as learning how to play it from Shree Shakti and other 3rd grade girls. "Miss you should toss the stones, then you should take one stone, throw the stone, then pick up one and you should catch it Miss." her little voice going up and down. I could listen to those instructions every day for the rest of my life. she is so darling. my eyes were fastened on the way their hands twisted when they tossed the stones--their hands so delicate and mature. watching them, I knew they'd done this a thousand times because it looked like they'd done it a thousand times. their apparent experience made them seem like women crocheting. the stones in their hands were so natural and easy. I thought it was beautiful.

and it took me nearly the entire 3 months to learn how to play 4-block. my word! how many times I tried to get Sumathi to explain it to me. but somehow it just didn't work out until some 5th grade girls showed me the ropes. you draw 4 big squares, the way we think of 4-square (with a ball). you and your one team member each throw a "butcha" (that's what it sounds like to me--the Tamil word for "stone") to your respective first block. this is the first game. you hop on one foot, "stamping" (or stomping on) the stone, and then kicking it (still hopping) to the next block. the rules are, you have to stamp it every time it gets to a new block, the stone cannot touch the line and neither can your foot. if you become out, your only hope (the girls would say this to each other: "I became out! you are the only hope for me!") was your team member. if she moves on the next game (ridiculous rules like doing it with your eyes closed and holding your foot up by your waist), so do you--even if you didn't make it on your own. hop scotch was the same elaborate endeavor. same ridiculous rules and the like. but another game of drawing in the sand and throwing the stones.

my roommates asked me today if I learned any Indian games. I told them I learned a ton. they said I would have to teach them for Family Home Evening or something. I told them all we need is dirt and some butchas.
5 stones


Shree Shakti, 3rd grade girl

Sumathi, 3rd grade girl, playing 5-stones

8.28.2009

thanuja.

I was just sitting there after dinner, as I usually did. I made all the children, 5th grade and below, say goodnight to me before they headed off to the dorm. one such night the 1st and 2nd graders were incessantly showing me their "shaking" teeth. (shaking = loose; broken = lost e.g. "my tooth is broken!" rather than "I lost my tooth!") Thanuja, 2nd grade, showed me her front tooth was shaking a lot and I teased her, asking if I could pull it out. she didn't say anything, she just nodded her head a little (of course it was the Indian head-bob indicating a yes). so I shook her tooth a bit, thinking it might get it a little more loose and she could pull it out tomorrow. but then, I thought it might come. I twisted it a little and my stomach dropped--but sweet Thanuja just stood there. I couldn't believe it. I decided to go for it--asking her all the while if I could. again, she just stood there. I pulled it out and this is what I saw the next day. isn't she so cute and brave?