nice thing phase 2.

even though there was unwanted snow on a gloomy march day, 
someone left on my door a little triangle of sunshine + happiness. 


i came across pikaland while visiting theodesign.  it is a lovely gathering of all things illustration.  you ought to visit.  (it is a little overwhelming because it is a place where people can sell all their illustrations, but if you have a few, definitely browse!)

unnoticed easter surprise.

i came home from a st. george easter last weekend, and found a plate of brownies + treats + easter card sitting on top of the microwave. i simply figured it was from my roommates' visiting teachers, since the top of the microwave is a common place for us to put such treats. it sat there all week. every day i gazed upon and wanted so badly to eat it, but of course didn't. i asked kristi if they were hers, she said no. finally today, as i was about to ask allison why she hadn't eaten her treats, i looked at the card and found my name on it!  how sweet. i couldn't believe what a kind gesture i had received a week ago, and it totally went unnoticed. thank you so much lori + wes + lucy. what a darling family.

they delivered it over a week ago when i was out of town. roommates!

farewell + baptism.

tj. amy. rob. matt. megan. trevor. kyle. carly. ren. 
the club: addie. laura. megan. tess. amy. erica. 
thanks for sending me photos, meg.  


mexican dress.

love this dress at on.

easter holiday.

though i don't get one, i took an easter holiday and skipped class on friday. melissa and i drove down thursday night, flashcard quizzing the whole way. the weekend was dreamy as is custom, but felt strange for some reason. driving in my mom's red corolla with the window rolled down and my hand resisting the wind, 98.9 sounding through the speakers is st. george to a t. loved to do crafts + macrame + dance with the sisters.

happy weekend news:
erica is pregnant. i don't know how she kept it a secret...but of course she did. that is so erica--full of surprises. she is not finding out the baby's sex, an admirable feat. i think i would like to do that, but don't know if i could. i am so happy for the whole family. erica will be an amazing mother. she has been a really great big sister to me and she's not even my sister! hard to believe megan is going to be an aunt. it is not that normal to think about, but so so right. i am so happy for you girl.

tess was baptized and confirmed on saturday. that girl has more potential than i've ever seen. she is brilliant, funny, sweet, and beautiful. i was so glad to be in attendance of her wonderful day. blessed with sweet parents. rachel is due any second now.

and matt's farewell. what a day. thousands of people. he leaves 2 weeks from tomorrow. it is always hard for me to have to leave on those sunday afternoons. i don't have much else to say except for them, it is the beginning. and for me, it feels like the end. spain is fortunate.

POSTSCRIPT: i was having trouble with my sidebar; this is the reason my posts are out of order.


self discovery: 09

in my first year of college, i've built a lot of bridges. i've made so many friends, and they're not too hard to make. there are so many people here, and so many opportunities, that it wouldn't make sense not to meet and greet and know a plethora of people.

recently, however, i have felt that i have already burnt a lot of those bridges. and not in the usual sense of the word...i haven't done anything drastic. but i just feel like maybe i never fully crossed the bridges. or they weren't ever really finished being built. which makes me wonder, have i built that many bridges? how long does it take to build what the metaphor requires? i have been thinking that i just don't keep in touch with people. i make friends really easily, but keeping them is another story. i hope this doesn't sound like an outcry for compliments or an essay of self-pity. but i think my first impression is more fun and/or less demanding than my lasting impression. my 'nice to meet you' self is much more pleasant or desirable than my real self.

most of it is self-inflicted. i do a lot of avoiding--for lack of a better word. the majority of times, i do have a desire to keep in touch or be friends. but it doesn't seem to be all that worth-while. nor is it easy.

this is one reason why i'm good at fixing people up. or why i always feel like friend b stole friend a. or friend a + friend b are better friends than i ever was with either--even though i introduced them.

i'm not sad or mad. this is no reflection of anything recent. it's just some thoughts. thanks for letting me think to you.


music you need to listen to: beirut
it is a gypsy-folk/indie group formed by a high school drop out who toured europe and is heavily influenced by 18th century folk music. my friend jacob introduced me to it and i am loving it.  songs that are highly likable include: postcards from italy, nante, and elephant song. 


c2g week.

it's choose to give week on campus. you can read more about it by clicking on the link, but essentially, it is a program where students have the opportunity to give back to the university.  you can give to your college/department, another student, or the president's fund. the neat thing: some rich people are matching every $1 with $5.  all my professors endorse the program quite heavily, and i think i am going to give a little amount.  it's kind of one of those things where you are tempted to say 'that's what i pay tuition for..' but really, this university is amazing.  it leaves little to be wanting for a very low cost. 

everything is yellow on campus.  i think the design theme is so cute this year.  don't you?

they even had a live llama on campus today.  don't ask me what that has to do with choose to give...just a promotion i guess.  it was quite funny. (i am not such a fearless photographer..no pictures.)


collage/inspiration boards.

drew's collage. 

this domino issue got me thinking about collages.  my mom always taught us to make collages.  (maybe another hippie thing?)  i loved doing that as a little kid.  she is still an avid practicer of collages.  they are really 'in' right now in design and decorating.  that is, disguised under an alias name of inspiration boards.  here are some i like.  

flickr search: inspiration board. 
marta's ever famous. 
directions---make your own.
neat studio walls
a bathroom, even. 
--millions more. what are your favorites?

here is the closest thing to mine.  i'm definitely going to improve it. but i do like it now. 


even though when i think 'rocky' i think '...loves emily.' i still know who he is. and he is resembling my brother lately. jon works at a youth detention center. when he was breaking up a fight, he hit a desk corner which ended in a black eye, a split forehead, and 10 sweet stitches. the good news is he gained his street cred by driving himself to the hospital, getting stitched up, and coming back to work. the kids respect him now. congrats jon. represent.

tutorial: naturally dyed eggs.

01. start with unboiled eggs.   the eggs will boil in the dye. 
02.  gather natural leaves, flowers, weeds, etc. to use a sort of dye-stencil.  anything you want to make an impression on your finished product.  wrap any nature thing(s) around the egg.  (this takes practice, but if you're like my family you  buy 50 thousand eggs to practice on).
03(a). wrap thread around egg + nature stencils. (remember, be careful because your egg is not hard-boiled.  like i said, if you buy enough eggs, it's not a big deal if you spill one all over your lap like i did this year!)

03(b). to be rid of unwanted string lines (depending on your preferences...we decided we rather fancy the string lines.  but it was fun to see imprints without them), use nylons to cover the egg and stencil. 
this make two people to hold everything in place.  rubber-band or twisty-tie the ends and trim. 

04.  this is the strange part: find red onion roots (my mom's friend's dad finds them each year...which makes it sort of secretive.  who knows where to get them?)  you can pick them up when you buy a red onion, just grab all the extra skins and such.  we only do red/brown colors, but here is a list of other natural dyes that look like fun. 
05.  boil roots + eggs together for as long as is necessary to boil egg.  dye will go right on there. 

06.  dish them out and unravel threads. 

07. display.
08. marvel. 
09.  wonder at nature's beauty. 

(note: there are some that are more gifted than other's.  melissa + mom have the artist's touch in our family, but that is no reason not to join in on the fun.  i promise, the finished results are never ugly and everyone will want to claim their's as their own). 

i think this is fun for any occasion.  eggs mean spring forever, and these are kind of fall-ish colors.  aren't eggs kind of in anyways? or maybe that's birds. here are some more elegant instructions. 

once my sister kate came home from middle school and said that some random kid came up to her and said 'i heard your family beats drums in the desert on christmas eve.' kate was nearly in tears at this ludicrous remark. but then was actually in tears when my mom told her it was true.  my parents were hippies, are still friends with hippies, and our family has hippy traditions.  this is one of them.  it was funny to watch outsiders parker's and jim's reaction to this little tradition.  


"perseverance is a positive, active characteristic. it is not idly, passively waiting and hoping for some good thing to happen. it gives us hope by helping us realize that the righteous suffer no failure except in giving up and no longer trying."
-joseph b. wirthlin


sorry about the transient management here. heavy times are in my midst--both ahead and behind me. all i can say is how i love you all and leave you with a few somethings.

these (found here) remind me of you.
couldn't be happier about this and this. the alpha-male is so out.
so amazed by the joyful news of erica. so deserving.
this, of course, makes me happy as well. i knew it.
looking forward to a cheap charity concert.
thank goodness she didn't.

every morning i wake up before both my roommates. i get the morning to myself. and every morning, one of my roommates wakes up and knocks on the bathroom door and says "can i go to the bathroom?" for some reason this infuriates me. why? some mornings the poor girl holds it in and waits til i am done getting ready. which i am more than happy about. why am i so possessive of my mornings in the bathroom? i am sorry. i promise to be more patient and less possessive of what is not mine.

this same roommate openly declares that it is a rare occasion that she has a thought in her head. now this is quite an extreme statement...but one i choose to believe. she thinks about what is going on in her immediate presence, recent past, or near future. but for some reason (she accredits it to a lack of reading) she doesn't think beyond that. this is one reason she hates to be alone and has a hard time focusing on her schoolwork. while there are psychological options i will not explore right now, i have come to the conclusion that my entire life is made up of thinking. (in contrast to my friend's case, i've been blessed to have very few thoughts i want not to think about). this is a writing blog, a place where i come to write. i love it because i have people to write to. somewhere and someones to think to. my blog gives me an incentive to think.



happy easter. 

i've been experiencing genuinely good days recently. i'm not all that into having bad days.  it seems like people here say things like "i suck at life." or "just one of those days." or "just life." or "it's just not a good day." blah blah blah.  it's strange how we classify days.  and why days? why do we need to categorize things so precisely into finite time periods.  i guess it's the whole idea of getting a new start every 24 hours. i've just never been a fan of blaming your experiences on that 24-hour period.  somehow finding a little square on a calendar at fault for how you feel, or what you did.  i know i have felt like the universe is aligning either for me or against me. in the end, what i know is that a day is what you make it. and so isn't it funny, when someone else makes your day. i'm completely uncertain how that all works out.  what draws me to this conclusion, and you can certainly come to your own after reading the following,

if you lived inside my head, you'd know how scared i was.  i am so frightened to do things that aren't logically frightening.  i think there are so many 'tasks' or 'deeds' that most people want to do. and those same tasks are things that people don't ever do.  and those are the things that scare me.  i want to do it, but its just not that normal. so i am scared.  if my days are spent in numbness, it is because i have forgotten what makes me feel alive. what makes me just...feel. although it's not the best, most interesting, or even the most entertaining class i've ever had, i love my political science class.  my professor is about 5'2" and wears a bow tie.  he is in his early 40s i would guess.  and he is just funny.  he recognizes me on campus.  and can you imagine how much that means to me?  in an auditorium lecture of probably 300 students and he sees me clear across campus and waves.  what a nice guy.  yesterday he brought his son to class.  i think his son is about 15 or 16.  dr. patterson has mentioned his son before in the context of the individualist mindset of all americans ("it's a free country", "i have my rights!", etc.) he usually just laughs at their arguments because he thinks his son is just so silly.  so when he brought him to class yesterday, it made me look at dr. patterson with different eyes.  i just wanted him to know. know that i appreciated how funny and smart and kind he is.  so even though i'm sure he heard my own heart beating as i approached him, i defied my fear.  i just said. "hi, i just wanted to say thanks. i love your class. i'm amy." with a smile and a pivot goodbye.  

i got my first really nice bottle of perfume angel, by theirry mugler, for christmas.  it is emily's signature smell and i could never get enough sniffs in so i asked for it.  i still adore the smell.  and i wear it usually, but not every day.  i can always smell it so greatly on emily, but i can never smell it on myself.  i am not sure but i swear it never really worked.  so i stopped wearing it for a long time.  but on tuesday, i had an econ test so i wore my favorite dress and decided to put on some perfume.  and what do you know. someone noticed it. a really cheesy and lame kid, nonetheless a day maker, said..."are you wearing perfume?" i nodded yes. "is it angel?" how in the world.  he proceeded to tell me that's why he was so in love with me at the moment.  it wasn't really a complement. but i was just happy somebody noticed. 

my 2nd economics 110 exam was fine.  i got a 66%, a C. in all honesty, i was thrilled with it.  i didn't know anyone else's score before i took the test.  i was having a great day really. by choice or self-enforcement i was calm.  i felt willing to trust. i did trust.  and i do. it will be strange if i get a C in a class.  i'm semi-planning on retaking the course.  most likely from a different teacher.  i'm content.  the reason i took the class was so i could get the job. and theoretically i'm required to get a 3.5 gpa.  i haven't exactly told anyone that a 3.5 may not happen.  but we'll just cross that bridge when we come to it. any guidance for doing poorly in school?  the thing that i'm questioning is whether it is self-inflicted.  am i doing poorly by choice? i'd like to think not.  that there's something in me that just doesn't get it. i'm not meant to be good at economics. there have been moments when i actually fooled myself into thinking i have to do poorly because if i did well, i would just want to be a ta for econ and throw american heritage out of the boat.  i'm just not meant to do it. but wouldn't that be contradicting what i already said?  days. life. outcomes. are in your control. or are they?

do things happen to you? or do you make things happen? i know i made it happen that i talked to dr. patterson.  it happened to me that someone noticed my perfume.  did i make a C happen, or did a C happen to me? no sooner do i make these big assumptions lugging all kinds of baggage behind them than i find myself contradicting what i already concluded.  from my weak and caged mind,  i think i make good things happen. and that bad things happen to me. 

soma sema. the body is a tomb. 

my first year here is almost over.  1 month til finals. i will soon go home for the summer and my life will be somewhat less interesting and much like it was when i was in high school.  but the next year has so much in store.  it will be the first year where almost every male i know is out of reach for 2 years. it will be an exciting trial time as a ta, sophomore, and college-student in general.  everything is getting older and more mature.  everything is going to be more.  there will be all kinds of days ahead.  what i'm asking of you is to continue with me on this journey.  

what do you think?


"to be cheerful when others are in despair, to keep the faith when others falter, to be true even when we feel forsaken--all of these are deeply desired outcomes during the deliberate, divine tutorials which God gives to us--because he loves us.  these learning experiences must not be misread as divine indifference.  instead, such tutorials are a part of the divine unfolding."

- elder neal a. maxwell, conference report, october 1982


things to do

for easter:

these crepe paper peonies. 
cute hatchlings
easter card
this one reminds me absolutely of my grandmother. 
my mother taught us all to do this. ours always looked like this

st. lucia.

okay sorry about the lengthy-picture posts, but my sister emily just sent me her picasa web album of her recent trip to st. lucia with jim.  how fun.  it's just beautiful and i wanted to share.  enjoy. 


802 m.

always welcome. my big sister is so cute. 
on the porch. 

victorian-ish living room. 

my sister melissa lives in my dream house (and hers i think..)  it is an old house in the avenues in slc with all the charm of old down town but refurbished + restored to modern convenience.  she lives with an artist + caterer.  the 3 of them are just neat neat people.  i want to live there way bad.  i don't think it's hard to see why.  only a few blocks away from university of utah and the temple. my favorite part is the natural light that just shines through everywhere.  light + brown, just like einstein's. 

rosie, the artist, painted this. she has an art studio downstairs in the basement. way cool. 
lots of natural light in the kitchen.  don't you just love the brick wall?  it keeps you cool in the summer. (and winter.)

the bathroom is so cute.  yellow + tile.