taking a break.

am on hiatus from blogging for a bit. if you couldn't tell. 

studies in more ways than one have got hold of me. 

i leave you in good hands--your own. 

c.m. photography.

photo. 

photo. 

remember this picture? well, my sister kate's freshman roommate is a photography student here at the Y. she did kate's engagement photos, and i also sat for her for a little assignment she had to do in her portrait class, and scolded her...you need to start a blog! and she did.  c.m. photography, and she is so super talented. (and getting married the same day as my brother! in st. george! we will most definitely have to stop by.)

good morning.

i'm turning into my father. 

16 going on 19.

i have never really liked the sound of music, but i just happened to arrive at this video and liked it. enjoy. 

something's hiding in here.

i found something's hiding in here via black eiffel. it is something else. like being at a party. 

sweetness.

tonight at work, the cutest couple came in just as we were about to close.  the cooks had a huge fight in the kitchen because some of them began to clean up at 9:55 and we don't close 'til 10. we were, however, still open. she was pregnant, in a dress, and wearing a pendant with a "b" on it.  i couldn't help but think pat it, and roll it, and mark it with a b, and put it in the oven for baby and me. maybe her name was brooke or beth or brittany, or maybe she had the same thought i did and wanted a b for her baby.  i told her how darling her dress and necklace were, and that she got extra points for being pregnant.  she laughed and said, 'and! i mowed the lawn for the first time today!' a reason to celebrate, no doubt.  they had a starving student card (a big card with deals and stuff) and it was their first time in. they just couldn't decide what to get.  she was debating and looked up at her husband, saying it was too much and they shouldn't get such and such a meal. he said affectionately that she could get whatever she wanted. they finally ended up with pasta, salad, a chicken quesadilla, and 2 waters. they were both so sweet to me and sweet to each other.  i loved that they were having a baby. that they were using a starving student card, and were eating dinner at 10 pm. i loved that they got waters, and got 3 meals for just 2 people. i loved that she cared about spending too much, and he cared about her getting what she wanted. i imagine they don't go out to eat much, but decided on a friday night to try something new on a whim.  they took their time eating even though they were the last ones in the restaurant, and we mopped politely around them.  they were certain to tip into the big karma jar, and stacked their plates neatly--easy for me to clear their table. i expect they got to their small sedan and he opened the door for her, and they held hands, or not, on the way home.

there were other customers too. a nice american man who bought marco polo pastas for 3 tourists who were asian. lots of young hipsters coming in for a late cup of tortilla soup and water--all they could afford i suppose.  an upset man who insisted that he ordered raspberry cheesecake, when in reality, he ordered a large brownie a la mode. his family was embarrassed and tried to make up for him by laughing and saying thank you.

i got home around 11 pm tonight and had a hunkering for something sweet (since all my peanut butter cookies are out!).  i finally ended up at mcdonald's 24 hour drive thru.  i ordered a mcflurry and waited patiently outside the second drive-up window. i saw the teenager get my ice cream and set it down, but never handed it to me or attended to me. i think he finally asked his associates what i was waiting for and they said 'the mcflurry.' he was startled and scared.  i said thank you, to which he seemed so shocked.  he was speechless. and maybe he always is.  maybe he wasn't even trying or didn't care or didn't even think he messed up. and i didn't think he messed up either.  but for me, that was the first time in a long time i remember being cheerful.  sharing with all those i encounter how i feel on the inside, by letting it show on the outside.  i do think it's my job, among other things.  but i think i saw a real value in it tonight--there is virtue in being outwardly optimistic.  and it hasn't been something i possess. i want it to be though. 

guru's.

have i mentioned i love my job? i do, so much. i think i'm good at it too. serving at a restaurant is something i think every young girl should learn to do. i imagine it's similar to the jobs of a mother, and you learn to do them fast, under pressure, and as sort of second nature. the ultimate goal, at guru's, is that a customer should never have to ask for anything. you are keen to their needs. it's a total service job. i also really love my boss. my mom always used to say that when their are mean, poor, or unkind associates, it's a reflection of the management. i hope i reflect how cool my boss is. he never yells, is always encouraging me, and pushing me to do better. at serving tables. it's sort of silly, but i couldn't have asked for anything better. i'm sad i have a job i am hoping to love even more waiting for me in the fall.

the tips aren't bad either.

peanut butter cookies.

these have always been the cookies i look for at showers, barbecues, christmas, farewells, phoebe's kitchen, etc. ever since the cookbook, i have been trying to bake/cook something at least once a week. this was my go this week, and i have to say it was successful. just as i was making them someone posted a note on out door, "cookie party tomorrow night. bring your own cookies." while i could not attend, i was more than delighted to have a home for my cookies. needless to say, i surprised myself. these cookies were delicious and relatively quick and easy. i suppose in the future i should challenge myself. if you are like me and never had the recipe, here you are.

kisses: unelemented. 

i didn't quite master the perfection of no-cracking, smooth, round balls. any suggestions?

peanut butter cookies submitted by Melinda Petersen

Ingredients
• 3/4 c peanut butter
• 1/2 c shortening
• 1 1/4 c packed brown sugar
• 3 Tbsp milk
• 1 Tbsp vanilla
• 1 egg
• 1 3/4 c flour
• 3/4 tsp salt
• 3/4 tsp baking soda
• chocolate chips or hershey’s kisses

Instructions

1. Combine peanut butter, shortening, brown sugar, milk, vanilla, and blend well.
   
2. Add 1 egg; beat just until blended
   
3. Add flour, salt, and baking soda and mix.
4. Here you can either add chocolate chips and spoon onto cookie sheet - - or - - roll dough into balls and roll them in sugar and then place on cookie sheet
5. Cook at 375 degrees for 7-8 minutes
6. If you rolled them in sugar after you take them out of the oven you can place a chocolate kiss on top of each cookie. They are warm so the kiss will melt a bit and be delicious.
   

**what does your recipe of these cookies call for?

love david a.

this blog is not a david archuleta fan site, except for the next week. really, i do not mean to be so insane and turn my world upside down but this boy has consumed me. me and meg can't stop talking about how much we love him. david cook is my worst nemesis. there are so many reasons to love david a. megan and i can't remember the last thing we were this obsessed with. it's a fanatic obsession that is so personal.

i am worried though. my stomach will be anxious for the next week. david cook is the absolute worst. something must be done. i saw a poll today that said david cook got more votes than david archuleta. the poll also revealed that the majority of david a's votes came from texting--which means we need to be calling. seriously. call people. i am adamant.

my new view from my new apartment at sunset.

dear anonymous apartment no. 24,

i made banana bread for the first time yesterday. it did not go as well as expected and so it is very embarrassing for me to even give it to you. but it is yours for the taking. unless you are allergic to nuts in which case i would advise you not to eat it. have a wonderful day.

all i need.

radiohead and mtv exit are promoting their project with this video. provoking. found via black*eiffel.

self discovery: 10

what i think of as an out-of-body experience is when you find yourself in a situation that you thought you could never possibly be in. that perhaps, someone else would, has, or should experience--but you never dreamed of being in a certain scenario.

i am a daydreamer, and a night-dreamer, and a dreamer in general. i have imagined myself in a lot of situations. and no doubt when i arrive at those situations i am just as indecisive as if i would never have prepared myself for them, but i am, nonetheless, prepared. i've had practice being in that mental state. for instance, on saturday night, in st. george, the gang decided at 11:30 pm that we should drive to mesquite to go cosmic bowling. bright idea, no? no. stupid idea. but it was a situation i have pictured myself in. i was familiar with the mental state, even though i had no idea what decision to make regarding whether to go to mesquite or not. in reality, i probably made the wrong decision and were i to experience it again, i would make a different one. but needless to reiterate, i was mentally prepared.

sunday afternoon, i was put in a situation in which i've read accounts of many times, witnessed happening to my own siblings, and probably even dreamed about. ironically, however, i was unequipped with that familiarity that i so often acquire through my 'putting myself in that situation ahead of time'.

i've read pride and prejudice many times. but on sunday, i experienced it. now i would never compare my mother's own caliber with that of the horrific mrs. bennett, but a conniving deed she did to me. and on mother's day! as i was cutting butter into my dry-ingredient biscuit mixture, a knock on the door. 'who could that be?' my mom said. her 4 most dishonest words. of course in walks brian with an i. with a book his mom wanted my mom to read. he had a seat. and then talked for an hour. i couldn't believe what was happening.

my dad came in and said 'what's this book?' of course my mom had no idea. there was no need for brian with an i to bring it over. she made something up about books and friends, and then quickly ushered my dad out of the room, leaving brian with an i and myself, alone. my face got really hot and i started sweating and i wanted to cry but i had to smile down at my unmade biscuits. what else could i do, but carry on a relentless conversation while making biscuits.

it ended eventually. as soon as the door shut, i shoved my mom. half-laughed half-cried, while she acted oh-so-innocent. how could she? i was horrendously upset for many reasons. brian with an i used to teach my sunday school class. when i was 14. how embarrassing! i pray he doesn't remember that. of course, when he taught my sunday school class, i had a crush on him. the other girls and i would giggle and talk about him. we were disappointed when we found out he was engaged--and heartbroken when we found out the wedding date was on my birthday. "destiny!" my 14-year-old heart whispered emphatically. we were all the more astounded when we found out the wedding was off. but, soon to be forgotten and replaced with the next teacher or priest who moved in to the ward. until that mother's day when he walked into my parents' kitchen, wearing white socks and carrying a blue novel entitled green dolphin street.

you will not disagree this would be a lovely story to tell at our wedding, or perhaps break into a song at the rehearsal brunch (you know i entertained the thought for more than a minute),

the most important reason i shouted in a whiny and high pitched but laughing voice at my parents was i'm 18! while he has impressive credentials and was the boy of my dreams, i am a child. when usually i am certain to tell of my newly acquired sophomore status, i was more than happy to say, 'freshman' more than once. really happy. so, no mrs. bennett. i am a baby.

i am discovering, i am 18.

chaunte vaughn.

photo. 

Chaunte Vaughn, a recent BYU photography graduate, had her BFA show at the library.  I decided to check it out in the deep basement of the library, and because it is BYU, they could not display it all, so I checked it out on her website. it is really good stuff. I am impressed by her work and credentials.  get to know her better on her blog. 

some links.

you might enjoy. 

i think this blog, shoebox, is the funniest blog i've ever been loyal to. 

i attended a dinner party with this guy once. just as funny in real life. 

she was also funny. and this post blew my mind, anyone know anything more about this?

a long list of links which i have yet to surface. 

j + j

my brother Jon is so engaged.  he and Jenn got their engagement photos taken, by a talented photographer who I am glad to know of, Denise Hoogland. see more of their photos here. 

blue t-shirt.

well, in all my nothingness last week I went shopping like 3 times. terrible, I know. I was in one of those moods and wandered in to The Gap, where I found myself in love with this plain little pocket v-neck t-shirt. (and I definitely agree with Jordan that the website always has funny awkward pictures) it is a lot cuter in person/on. so, I bought one.  i haven't been happier about a purchase in a very long time. 

also, I've always had trouble buying things that are royal blue because it just screams Dixie High to me.  (I also never wear gold + green, or black + maroon...) but for some reason, I've been feeling drawn to that particular shade of blue lately.  

p + k

p + k is at a new url, so be sure to change it on your link-lists. it is also in full force, updated often.  i miss my sister but am so glad she is communicating via blog. 

i still want david to win.

all right everyone. i know it is on everyone's minds so let's just talk about it. 

my views are pretty much still the same, although david cook has really made quite a step on the show if not in my opinion.  but overall, i feel like they are all good. sadly, we said goodbye to brooke whom we all loved, but really, it was her time. 

jason. i know that not many liked jason from the beginning, but for some reason...he's still on the show. and i think it's because there are a lot like me who just like the guy.  he is different, and i like him.  i think he should probably be the next to go, but i still believe that he is a true musician and offers a unique talent that may not make it in the pop world, but clearly has a fan base and will sell records.  

david cook. here is the thing, i can't tell my opinion on david cook! at first, he was nothing to me. but when he did 'always be my baby' the judges freaked out and then i freaked out.  and then i think america realized that he is way awesome.  but--is he really good? is he  vocally talented, or does he just know how to pick songs that were once hits, that could be a hit again? i don't know.  before this week i thought for sure that in the end it would david vs. david, but he didn't really step up to the plate this week. for some reason, people love him. help me out on this one!

syesha.  syesha is seriously way way amazing. and she is so cute and fun. she never messes up. sometimes she's just boring though, because there's nothing intriguing about her. but after these last couple weeks, i think she definitely deserves to be top 3. and i could even see her go up against david archuleta in the end. 

david archuleta.  after enduring some doubts and fierce opposition from stupid byu students, i was second-guessing my devotion to david a. but after this week my initial convictions are firm, and i am still 100% david archuleta. i love him so much.  he is what american idols are made of.  i am proud to say that i voted for him 4 times last week (i probably got a busy signal like 100 times). which also makes me worry. if i could get through 4 times in like...15 minutes, does that mean not many were voting for him?! please vote. if you never have before, just try it until you at least get in one time.  seriously. vote. the judges were right on this week (i always agree with simon) that david is the top vocalist, and in order to be in the competition, you have to get better (which i think david has definitely done because he has challenged himself bringing in all those falsettos and whatnot) and you have to be consistent. 

and you know you have to vote for david archuleta. 

meanings.

assuming i am going to live a regular-sized life, i had a 1/5-life-crisis this week. i bought fake french manicured fingernails at target. and i glued them on with super glue. and i clicked and pointed and did all the things i did the last time i had them on at age 13. 

i am remembering that time  at age 13 when i had those french manicured fingernails from a vietnamese woman at hotnails across from the bloomington wal-mart.  i can't remember why i got them, but i remember what happened when i did. my violin teacher was furious. probably more with my mom than with me.  in all fairness, i would have been furious. when my violin students showed up to lessons with the slightest nail growth i cut them right then and there. so she was justified in being displeased that i had a french manicure. as i recall the experience, i recall that my getting a french manicure prompted a string of events that led to my new violin teacher. bonnie + jamie. whom i think the absolute world of.  aside from my own family, they had the largest role in shaping who i am today.  my whole outlook on life; if i have their goodness and wisdom in mind, i can approach any life situation with success.  so i am grateful for that $35 set of french-manicured fingernails. best decision i ever made.  

but yes. i went to target for the dan in real life soundtrack (which i love). and they didn't have it. so i roamed around for about an hour and half, and finally found myself at the real life french nail kit. and paid $5.84 for it. i rushed home to get them on. (i guess i should tell you that there is a touch screen on the cash register at work, and the buttons are extremely hard to push...so i think i thought they would help to push the buttons). and i put them on and played around like a little 13-year-old. i absolutely loved them until i started to hate them. how foolish.  i lasted all of 24 hours and have cut mine back and painted them candy apple red.  more me i guess. 

i am finding it harder to make friends than i did when i began fall and winter semesters.  i think 18-19 year old college freshman at byu just make friends easily. clinging on to each other because we are terribly homesick and want to have 'the experience.' and really, what do we have to lose? there is no outside of your comfort zone because you have no comfort zone. you have to create it.  but now, as i am surrounded by olders, and am no longer a freshman, i have a comfort zone. and it is comfortable. i would say it is becoming more and more comfortable every day.  i guess there's something about being young.  i will not allow these inhibitions to last long. i promise myself that. 

with the exception of last week (april 20 - 27), this past week has been one of the longest of my life. just settling in really. doing a lot of nothing. which is foreign to me, not because i am an innate busy bee or because i 'always have to be doing something.'  normally, though, i sign myself up for more than i should.  but this spring, i am currently signed up for much less than i am able. so i have been doing a lot of nothing.  in fact, i have been doing enough nothing to get myself to start doing something. i am going to do something. 

i am going to set goals. 

read books that have been sitting on my shelf for a long time. 

make friends. 

shop less.

start enlisting myself in causes. organized, goal-oriented, make a difference causes.

one thing i forgot to tell you last week was something parker taught me. i asked for his opinion on whether to stay, he said he thought i would regret not staying more than staying. in other words, the regrets here are less than the regrets at home.  which i agreed with.  he also told me that the happiest people are people who don't think about their opportunity costs. (an opportunity cost is your best foregone alternative). live in the decision you made and be happy about it.  

a lot of bloggers use the word 'inspiration' frequently. i'm sure i did when i started my blog, and i might still, i'm not sure. but i think it is slightly overused. now, however, i want to share with you some things that have been truly inspiring me. 

elder nelson's talk i attended tonight. 

which made me ever grateful for this cd. this requiem by mack wilberg and the motab is some of the most beautiful music i have ever heard. i think (though i can't be sure) that even if you didn't like really classical and obscur-ish music, you would still love this.  if you are in the right mindset. i get chills and tears every time i turn it on. 

this video jamie sent me. watch until the end. 

my parents.  i am so grateful for the complements i receive from all of you on my writing.  you know it is my joy and ambition to write, so thank you. it means a lot.  but it comes as sort of an unsurprising surprise to me because i have been surrounded by it since day 1. my parents are so smart and honest. i am such a product of their teachings that it is difficult for me to claim any part of me as my own. a fact that i adore. so thanks. 

talking to my dad, he sent me this article.  you need to read it. he also shared with me this wonderful quote that sums up my new resolutions for ending the nothingness that has been my spring so far:

Meaning is not something you stumble across, like the answer to a riddle or the prize in a treasure hunt. Meaning is something you build into your life. You build it out of your own past, out of your affections and loyalties, out of the experience of humankind as it is passed on to you, out of your own talent and understanding, out of the things you believe in, out of the things and people you love, out of the values for which you are willing to sacrifice something. The ingredients are there. You are the only one who can put them together into that unique pattern that will be your life. Let it be a life that has dignity and meaning for you. If it does, then the particular balance of success or failure is of less account.

- john gardner

may day.

welcome to may.

time capsule.

a time capsule, filled with wonders of the boy(s) wonder. no girls allowed.