feelings.

Seattle was beautiful. oh how I love those mountains and trees. was I born in the wrong place? coming back to red rocks and red dirt felt natural--like coming home. but oh how I love those mountains and trees. for more pictures, visit here. we had such a lovely time and Parker made it to 100 sales! wahoo!

when I returned, I had my 2 wisdom teeth extracted. I'm glad I have that life experience under my belt. I am not 100% healed yet and my face is swollen and yellow with bruises. and yesterday at church, face like a chipmunk, I had to do everything. I was so mad. I had to do a reading and lead the music. I was really embarrassed. everyone kept saying, "I don't even recognize you! you are so mature!" mature in what? facial weight? I don't know why old people say that to young people. "you're so old!" thank you.

since my dentist took out the teeth and not an oral surgeon, I was wide awake during the whole thing. I did get some mean laughing gas though. I loved it. when you are under the influence of your brain, it is in control--and so are you. but when the laughing gas steps in, your heart takes over. it just lets your emotions come. I have all my saddest thoughts stored in a compartment, and I suppose for fun, I decided to try them out on the laughing gas. these are thoughts which should make you cry every time you think of them, but your brain helps out and you are composed most of the time. needless to say, I was crying the whole time. the gas made me feel exactly how I was supposed to. of course, I was also scared to death while they let me numb up for 45 minutes all by myself. I almost asked the assistant to just stay in there with me. not to mention the little girl next door who was coughing and crying at her first dental experience. poor girl. that was totally me. I remember handing my chart back to the secretary at Dr. Frei's office. written on the front of it, gags easily. when I actually felt the pressure of my tooth being pulled, I laughed my head off. but the rest of the time I just cried. calm, though, when Dr. Ence whistled and put his latex-covered hand on mine.

today is my 2 to 19. and I am feeling old. I think when people say they feel old, they aren't talking about how they feel. they are talking about how they don't feel. they feel young--despite how old they really are. I still feel 17--though I am 19. I love 17. 18 is no bueno and I think 19 will suit me much better.

on thursday, my family and I are going to have a small reunion. I am expecting the best weekend ever and will report when I return. after which I will be returning back to school. this summer has been meaningful. as expected, as soon as I enjoy being here, it is time to leave.