bon voyage.

a photo journalism student, Amiran White from the UK won the Sony Photographer of the Year award for taking this photo at Shanti Bhavan.

lift off is nearing and I have Goodbye Earl in my head. morbid, right? but yes. I'm off to India. posting will be sparse, I have little expectations; I'm trying to go across the planet with an open mind.

all along, I've been asking Molly what to expect, so I can anticipate every needful thing. but now that it's time and I've had time, I'm thinking trying to guess exactly what 3 months in India is going to be like...is probably going to inhibit my ability to adapt. so I'm doing my best to open my mind--stop estimating and approximate the unknown.

I have this thing where the night before a big day (or even just a busy day), I stay up late and gather everything I need as much as possible. organize my hand sanitizer and passport. arrange my thoughts, plans, apprehensions, goals. on most of those nights, I wish so badly that I could just fast forward through sleeping time so that I wouldn't have to reacquaint myself with the orderly day ahead of me. if only right now was awake tomorrow.

in some ways, I have been feeling that way about life in general. I most definitely wanted to fast forward these last few weeks of Gilmore Girls and preparations so I could arrive at India, my big day. the biggest, probably. also, I have sort of been feeling that way about the transition from India to Fall semester back at the Y. not that my 3-month dream-come-true-of-a-trip to India is boring or anything like sleeping. and also not that I want to fast -forward through it, or that I want it to be over with. I think I am just excited for (1) fall semester in general and (2) having something, this thing, under my belt.

it's not that I want it on my resume. but part of me wants to be relevant. most of my entire waking existence has wanted to be more than relevant, even famous or worthy of fame. but college has taught me to love a simple life. to cherish blending in and being crowded out. I have learned to appreciate going unnoticed. and I hope I will be able to in India--go unnoticed. what have been 2 polar opposites has become middle ground. my golden mean, then, is halting the quest for fame and reaching for relevance--in the sense that I can help someone.

so far, I've had a summer of stuff. moved out of my tiny apartment in Provo, packing my dad's car chuck-full of stuff, then moving it into garage/basement/bedroom to be sorted and priced for last weekend's garage sale. you should have seen me at my garage sale. I was clinging on to my stuff like it was the last and only stuff I would ever have. charging $4-$5 for my old GenX shirts--not good garage sale technique. and when someone offered me $3 for it? no way. I paid $20 for that shirt! are you out of your mind?! (for the record--I had fun at the garage sale, but would never do it again. I can't barter and. ahem. can't let go of my stuff). the driveway is cleaned up and the old Forever 21 gear I wanted $5 for is waiting patiently at the D.I.

now, though, I am packing. trying ever so hard to fit as much stuff as possible in a ridiculous limit of 50 lbs. here I am, hugging my bookcase and ogling my journals while simulatenously taking out my mouthwash and hand sanitizer with reluctance to make the airline weight limit. I love my stuff. and here I am, trying to solve the ills of poverty in rural India, and bringing a set of Japanese colored pens and my external Passport hard drive. and my night-before-jitters have me thinking of all the stuff I want to fill my new apartment with in the fall.

I'm not sure what my point is. but I know it's not that I feel guilty or ashamed of my stuff. and it's not that I wish I had less stuff or more stuff. I've just noticed how much I love my stuff. I don't think 3 months is going to change that. but it's just something I've been thinking about. my sister and I bought a battery-powered charger for our iPods at Target, after which we read in iPods for Dummies that such generic power adapters can fry your iPod. asking my dad his advice, he mentioned that perhaps we are trying to take too much stuff. we're trying to escape to the outside world even though our whole point was to have a personal, first-hand, outside experience. taking it in is more important than the stuff.

nonetheless, bon voyage. you shall hear from me soon, and I shall miss you.

please, an invitation to all (people I know, people who I don't know in real life, people who don't know I look at their blogs, etc.): make a comment or e-mail mcdonaldamy89@gmail.com with your mailing address and I promise to send you a postcard.