College: Day 4

Today was....good. I stayed up WAY too late last night. The WAY is added because I wasn't doing anything productive; let-alone homework. But luckily I didn't have class until 1:00.

I have had plans since last night to go home to St. George for a friend's missionary farewell, not to mention DHS Homecoming game. But at the last minute I decided against it. I'm sorry for false pretenses. I just don't know how well I'm going to hack this whole college thing. Ha. No, I am doing fine. The work load is heavy, however.

I have feelings of self-doubt, worry and fear. I know I WANT to work hard and that I'm willing, but I have faltering faith in whether I'm capable to perform my school work as well as I would like. I am worried I don't know how to think. I feel I have been babied...and only to my own fault; to blame teachers or anyone else for my lack of 'risk-taking' or my ability to think 'outsid the box' would be innacurate. I know I begged and pleaded my teachers to tell me EXACTLY what they wanted, instead of doing it my way. I don't want to discredit myself of things that I've achieved; I feel confident in almost all the choices I've made. But I do feel regretful that I'm not exactly sure how to be...independent in thought. And finally, I am fearsome of an undesired outcome. A combination of these.


mamma said...

You don't have to try to think outside the box. Just think. Inside the box is usually just not much thinking. Read, read, read. Old, dead white guys, new living non-white girls, read 'em all. Listen more than you talk, read the stuff the talkers are talking about. If you want to know what YOU think, just keep writing it down. That's why your blog is so great-- we get to see what you're thinking....an its so ..mmm... thoughtful!

Erica said...

I sure missed having you in the car with me. The fist week is always a little overwhelming, it will get better. I can't wait to see your place. We miss you! Meg said just an hour ago..."I wish Amy was here." Love you!