to do:

Katie sent me The Last Lecture for my birthday and I'm nearly done. it is sort of a breath of fresh air and kind of reminds me of chicken soup books, but a little more tough-love. if you haven't read it, he talks mostly about how he achieved all his childhood dreams. and when he talks about enabling others' dreams, he makes a suggestion: "you can always change your plan, but only if you have one. I'm a big believer in to-do lists."

personally, I really like writing down my goals. but they are usually ones that are something like, exercise, or be more patient. sophomore year of high school, everyone in Mrs. Hansen's english class was required to complete what was called "My Family Book." it was partly a pre-written eulogy and something that made 16-year-olds take a look at their future and what they wanted to look back on in 60 or 70 years. I have misplaced my My Family Book but am still looking for it. because I can't quite remember what I said I wanted on my headstone, and because I'm reading this book written by a dying man, and because I think they should make college freshman (or sophomores) do exactly what Mrs. Hansen made us do with our thoughts and words, I am making a to-do list. it is neither neat nor comprehensive.

I can really only remember one real childhood dream, and that was to be a character at Disneyland. after my first visit there, I emailed a Disneyland correspondent and asked her how I could. she gave me instructions and I kept them nailed to my wall above my bed for a lot of years; after that, they were safe in my desk drawer. I cleaned that desk out this summer and wasn't really sure what to do with this piece of paper I printed out so long ago. I've heard of a lot of people from BYU doing Disney internships and I think it's pretty easy to get into. but where do we draw the line. is it really so important to achieve a dream you had when you were a child but means nothing to you now? for people like Randy Pausch, the line doesn't seem so fuzzy.

if I live to an old age, I think some of the things I want to have checked off on my list are:

- be a mom. a really good one with lots of kids. one that reads to them and asks them what their scribblings mean. one that teaches them cliches and buys them stationery.
- be a morning person. not wasting mornings with sleep, but not wasting nights with tired consciousness either.
- write thank you notes.
- I don't know if you can have a goal to be poor. but I don't want to be rich.
- be a mentor and friend to young girls whose paths cross mine in ways other than through my children. I have a few friends who are examples and mentors to me through my own finding, not through my mom's.
- be a patron of the arts--music and modern dance.
- be a real aunt. one that knows her nieces and nephews.
- have boxes full of journals and old but meaningful paraphernalia. maybe my kids won't appreciate it but I hope my grandkids will.
- visit India.
- have a beautiful wedding. I hope this isn't too superficial. I just want my wedding to be everything I want it to be. I've been clipping magazines and photos since I was 11. I wish I could just get married and that would be that, but that would break my heart. I also want it to be the last thing my parents pay for.
- have an open mind and open others' minds too.
- give natural childbirth.

these are the big things. there are others, of course. like listening to A Prairie Home Companion on Saturday evenings. but I hope I can say I did at least a few of these things (sans the Disneyland character part) when I croak.