self discovery: 11

(this really is self discovery:10. don't know how I ended up with 2 no. 8's.)

hello my dear readers. college is indeed trying me lately. I love my job. being a TA is so fulfilling and is a guiding factor in my daily life. I also love the people I work with--boss, colleagues, and students. the job pushes me and I need that. I have discovered that people believe in me and that is a good feeling. I am enjoying digging into my classes. though most of them are merely surface-skimming courses, I enjoy the wide range of information that fills me. my roommates are fabulous and we get along fabulously. I have but a few tomatoes in the fridge and what seems like a hoard of decisions to make, but really, there's only one.

and my most vivid memories are of Gram sitting on those purple couches saying "I think I'm ready to go home. I think I'd like to go home" in what was the most polite manner she could. and now she is home--though it took a little longer than she probably preferred.

but yes that one choice is here and confuses all my doings. I thought I'd settled on a decision, but doubt and question wriggle up my throat and into my mind, where the choice I thought I'd made lingers in uncertainty. and it all hangs in the balance as the auctioneer watches for the slightest raise of my bidding hand. oh how I am wishing someone would tell me just what to do. but I've researched and studied and spoken with the experts. and still. the decision I thought I made 48 hours ago remains unmade this moment.

I want someone else to make my decisions for me so badly. and this cruel discovery is that I have to make it.