on the bus.

I rode the bus home to Provo form Salt Lake today. I've made the same trip once before and it was interesting. strange people that opened my eyes a little to what Utah County can provide. today, though, a mother in a black velour track suit got on with her 3 daughters. they sat in front of me. ages from probably about 3 to 9, they were wearing half halloween costumes and half normal '99% angel 1% devil' t-shirts. the oldest girl asked to sit by her mom, immediately after which the middle daughter asked the same. the mom consented to sit half with one and half with the other, the youngest girl mostly keeping quiet. the oldest girl, Sage, started crying because her turn was going to be second. Mom started saying something about choices and agency. after 5 or 10 minutes of crying, Mom was lecturing again. and then continued intermittently throughout the bus ride. just as you thought Sage was going to let up on the sobbing, the mom would interject and say "you are choosing to display these emotions right now," or "you are your own agent." she proceeded to say that we all make choices in life, and those choices have consequences. Sage chose to throw a fit, and so now she doesn't get to sit by her mom at all. Sage kept weeping, "I just want to sit by you..." while the middle girl sat as far as possible away from her older sister. she didn't make a peep the entire ride. the youngest girl, Jocelyn, sat next to her mom and occasionally whined to ask her mom to listen to her. "one day," said the mom, "you will be able to control your emotions. remember we were just talking about your weaknesses becoming your strengths?" the sobbing continued for a while, as did the disciplining.

I kept getting the notion that I should do something. I thought I could just strike up a conversation with Sage. I had some candy in my bag. and Halloween--a kid's favorite holiday--was only yesterday. I could ask about that. or I could just put my hand on her shoulder and say, "sweety take a deep breath." surely, if nothing else, the conversation would be scary and strange enough for her to stop crying, and then Mom would stop speaking. I was afraid of overstepping the boundaries between helping a mother in need (in public!) and telling her how to be a parent. that boundary, was soon crossed.

the bus driver, (07084), asked,

"ma'am, how far are you going?"

Mom pretended she didn't hear him and so he shouted,

"hey lady! how far are you going?!"

"are you talking to me? I am going to Provo."

she was mad. and he had obviously gotten up all this courage and wasn't going to give up on it now.

"well you gotta stop talking to your baby like she's 20 and take her in your lap and hold her 'til she stops crying."

"what is your name? ...07084... how dare you?!" she gets out her phone.

the wailing stopped, and at this point I knew I had the opportunity to touch the mom's shoulder and just tell her the bus driver was way out of line and she shouldn't let him get to her. again, I was afraid. would she have raged on me for telling her to calm down? I did think the bus driver was super inappropriate and thought about talking to him directly. but I did nothing.

"how dare you tell me how to discipline my daughter! you have no right to tell me what to do. you have no idea what she's been through. a person who spent the first 2 years of her life in the Intensive Care Unit and after that was in a car accident and has been separated by a divorce and..."

she demanded to get off the bus, screaming all the while,

"what a God forsaken world this is. you have no patience or compassion on a little child. I feel sorry for you that you would tell me how to be a mother and for all of you," addressing all the passengers on the bus, "who have no compassion."

the bus driver tried to insert weak "sorry's" throughout her rampage.

during the whole episode, I couldn't believe it was all happening in reality. perhaps I've seen too much TV or read too many books, but I had to tell myself to freak out, because this was huge.

after the bus door was slammed in her face and her babies sat on the grass at the bus stop, we got on the freeway. I started crying. what a scene to witness. and my heart was broken for the woman whose bad day was today, and prayed for her that not every day was like this. my heart was remorseful that I did not do what was within my power to help the situation. I didn't even try anything in my power. I tried to give the bus driver the evil eye through his giant rear view mirror, but it didn't help. I thought of how unreal and thought-provoking the whole situation was.