monastic experience: day 3

day 3
my day unsilenced was good. I was more mindful of what I was saying (even though I talked a lot today0). though not purposely (I hate when I do this on purpose), I was talking quieter. I didn’t have very much time today. I woke up too late to do an hour of meditation, or 5 minutes of meditation. no time to eat breakfast or grab an apple. so after work I grabbed an apple out of the vending machines. it was rotten. later, I got another apple and it was delicious.

my day was so so busy. and I just wished I had time to meditate, time to stretch, time to think and breathe. this is a wish I have on days when I am not being a monk, when I am just me. but now, my wish is heightened. since I have to meditate, it’s almost more stressful. meditation should not be stressful. but in a college setting, as opposed to a monastery on top of a mountain, it is.

after my long day of teaching, grading, article-writing, test-taking day, I changed from my pencil skirt into some yoga pants. yoga pants—in preparation for yoga. just like on Monday, I told myself it is silly to do such activities indoors on such lovely days. (especially since I’ve been inside all day, and I got out of my exams before the sun went down). but I was insecure about doing it outside. I did it anyway. taking my shoes off on my little plot of ground, more people walked by this time. I just closed my eyes (if I can’t see them they can’t see me).

I enjoy defying my own inhibitions—doing what I myself consider to be socially unacceptable. why do I feel cool for going for a jog in public, but not doing yoga? I don’t know, but I did it anyway. walking home from my meditation, I saw a jovial young man sliding down all the railings on a grand staircase. he wasn’t trying to impress anyone—he wasn’t with any friends. the people around him weren’t joining in, and they weren’t ridiculing, but it wasn’t totally acceptable. it wasn’t like he was walking down the stairs. he was sliding down the railing. there’s nothing wrong with doing yoga in public, or sliding down the banister.

after yoga, I felt like a million bucks. does anyone know any new-age slash relaxation artists or music I might like? not like…a million bucks, bursting. but a million bucks, beaming. silent. I found, and am still finding that my meditation in combination with my previous day of silence, I am more quiet. I am more grounded, and yet more open. and in the cold sunset-y evening, I am warm inside.

today:
truth telling: I am having a hard time remembering this one. it’s not something I usually think—“oh I should probably be telling for the truth. for my monk experience of course.”
spending: $.50 cents on a vending machine apple, $1.50 on vending machine smartwater, $1.29 on banana, apple, and string cheese from the t-zone. grand total = $2.29
phone: again, not too much texting, but a few phone calls.
tv: last few minutes of American Idol, 30 Rock = 45 minutes.
internet: not really keeping track. a few minutes here, a few minutes there. probably more than 1 hour.