meg's wedding: day 2

meg and her "dad" Coach Mess. sweet. all the details were so beautiful. Laurie and Phoebe did such a beautiful job.

unfortunately, the band didn't have "I Swear." we'll get 'em next time.

me and Tess.

aren't they so great?

open book: i think getting married would be a really weird (slash good) experience--but i can't say for sure. i can say, however, that when your best friend gets married, it's a whirl of emotions. primary emotion = ecstatic. the phrase "i'm so happy for..." is used a lot. but i really mean it. i am so happy for her. i am happy that she is married. i look around and i am just amazed that people even find each other--2 people fall in love. and i'm happy for her.

but at 19-almost-20-years-old, i have to ask myself...what will my life be? being single suddenly doesn't seem like all i've cracked it up to be. i feel like megan has started her life, but i am just waiting for mine to take off. there were moments at the reception or during the ceremony when I had time to myself to wonder if i could stand it one more year being unmarried. I know, I know. I'm young. too young to be thinking such thoughts even. but Megan's identity has always been a huge part of my identity, and now her identity is changing, so my own must be revisited--a renegotiation of our social contract.

on Thursday, I dropped off my mother at the temple for the ceremony, and made my way over to Megan's parent's house to be in company with her younger sisters, Laura, Addie, and little baby neice Ivy. there wasn't much happening on the radio, so I turned it to 105.7 KBYU, where the BYU graduation commencemet exersices was being broadcast. BYU, my school, where some of my friends were sitting in their caps and gowns, listening to President Samuelson.

he was speaking just as you would expect him to speak. he said something to the effect of "many of you will go on to more schooling; others of you will go out in the world to work; and some of you will begin real work in the home, raising children."

I got a little teary at this. teary because as I was listening, Megan was taking that first step to begin that real work. how happy I am for her example and friendship. also, teary because that is a step I'm nowhere close to taking. I felt confused. the exercises continued, and President Samuelson accepted the graduates, and applause filled the arena and my car stereo.

at that moment, I felt a calming reassurance that my life was sufficient. I was enough. my life is ok...it's not the same as Megan's, and I'm not being left behind. I'm just doing what I'm doing. and that is enough. that moment brought peace, and I was so certain that that work, the work in the home, was what I am meant to do. what I want to do. but it is right that I am not starting that work right now. as much as I want to be.

one year ago, I discovered the meaning of the phrase "bloom where you're planted." now, as I make the same transitions with a little different context, I am learning to live when I am.

my favorite excerpts from Emerson's Self-Reliance:

"Accept the place the divine Providence has found for you...My life is not an apology, but a life. I tis for itself and not for a spectacle. I much prefer that it should be of a lower strain, so it be genuine and equal, than that it should be glittering and unsteady...Few and mean as my gifts may be, I actually am, and do not need for my own assurance or the assurance of my fellows any secondary testimony."