goodness.

here's to a happy leap friday. i love leap year. there truly should be more hype + celebration. no?

prepping for my interview. thanks to the outreach of lifelines to help me find 'business attire.' thank you all.

am going home with the newlyweds today. (happy 2 months to them.)wahoo. super excited to see the gang (minus chad). and spend some Q-time with parker, kate, jon, etc.

do something good for yourself today.

32.

happy anniversary mom + dad. love you.

lucky cakes.

c-cakes for the aching ariel, who is mourning the loss of recently departed bryce. love you girl. sorry the cakes weren't the best..but they were my best.

am preparing for my job interview for american heritage ta. tomorrow. not feeling the most qualified, but your chances of hitting the target go up when you aim, right? right. feeling better about the freshman academy interview on tuesday. wish me luck.

brimhall building

welcome to the bane of my existence (not really bane, i just wanted something cool to say--and i didn't really know what it meant.) the brimhall building is the communications building. it used to be the garage of the president's house; now it is the home of every publication that comes out of byu. nearly. it is a charming building with lovely yellow brick, staircases galore, and comfy study areas.

i long to be one of those polished students who study in there with rightful purpose. someone who knows how to use the machines, can rant off the lingo, and greets friends and classmates with each step.

1 down, 4 to go.

isn't it strange? even though, i'm trying so hard to hold on to the past, all i can't wait for is the future, or the weekend, rather.

thank you all so much for your kind words. wish i had some for how you are feeling now, m.

have applied for this, this, and this now. most excited for no. 03. (applied to be a counselor, not a participant.)

not much more to say, except...does anyone know how to solve this little sidebar problem?

home.

there's nothing half so pleasant as coming home again.
-margaret elizabeth sangster

i'm dying inside. not to be home again. charlene, chelsi, and i made the voyage friday afternoon. the weekend passed by as it were a dream, and now i find myself here on sunday evening, back in my adventure. back in college. back in the choice i made, that cannot be taken back. not that i regret it. it is just...not as special. it's not as special as what i found this weekend when i returned to the friends, who so lovingly take me in. who don't praise me or put me down. i am just a part. and no matter how minor or major role i play, it is where i belong. with them. it means the world to me. to fit. meg, you told me so.

what's funny is, i used to believe i didn't belong. that what i needed was to come 'up here.' more than the provincial life, right? welcome to p-town, u.s.a. how small-minded i was. all i could ever want at the ripe age of 18 was right in front of me. was sitting in a living room or a bowling alley, or in a baseball field only a 15 minute drive away.

i've been gone, and the group has changed. some are gone like me. and some have joined. they, the originals that is, all had this glow about them. i couldn't stop looking at their faces. what is that? had they been sharing the same moisturizer or something silly like that? they looked so much the same, and so incredibly different. i was paralyzed most the weekend. we've all matured a lot. and that has changed us. but the chemistry is the same. they/we are still doing the same thing we did every single night. nothing. talking about things that would never happen. talking about things that did happen, but will never happen again. talking about things that happened even though we thought they never would. one thing i know, (you only know one thing?) i never thought that what we ha(ve)/(d) would go away. that's the paradox. it's all going away. they are all going away. the moment i realize what i have, it is gone.

i know it all sounds so sad and regretful, and in a way it is. but i could never have what i have now, if i had known what i had then. they were all smart enough to already know. one and a half semesters, 2 stranger roommates, dozens of hamburger-helper-helped meals, and just about one year later, i know. i know now.

wouldn't miss it for the world, chad. you are so funny. and so good. talk was amazing.

i always thought you were the one waiting for a star to fall. now it's meg + me.

ren.

matt. 

megan. gets more beautiful every time i see her.

the originals. longest-standing. so proud + humbled to be part.

chad, megan, and i are the only ones who have ever taken a picture before.

ren: spain. rob: brazil. trevor: chile. chad: canada. tj: waiting for august. matt: spain.

missing - sean: california. jordan: canada.

lovely.

how adorable. jimmy bishop did my sister kate's wedding photos in december. her bridals were amazing. and there are a few of the wedding posted on his blog. he was super great to work with and captured a lot of fun moments. can't wait to see the rest of them.

the usuals.

sunday photo: cute people. cute idea. can't wait to have a family.

found via jordan. 

disney 101: great post, marta. i agree. 

am loving. adoring. alyson's 366. 

lessons from today.

isn't it funny how the light hits? weekend purchase, get it while its hot. 

i feel like a teenager again. (i guess i should be careful what i wish for.)  making mistakes, you know? figuring out who i am. feel like a foreigner in my own body + habits + choices + behavior. 

are responsibility and blame and fault the same thing? i got a 68% on my test. i'm not displeased though.  the friend i studied with got 90%. funny. i know only i am to blame. at fault. to bear responsibility. 

before interaction with someone else, ask: will it make a bad day worse? 

grateful for: 

mornings

peace

true friends: make a good day better.

camera: painting with light

green + yellow.

yellow: happy president's day. love lincoln + george. 10 am to 10 pm in the library studying for




green: first big economics test today. covering 11 chapters administered by dr. evile himself. say a prayer. light a candle. cross your fingers for me. my mind is recently occupied with giving it the old college try in other areas of my life.

years of ambiguity.

went to the mall yesterday for the first time in a while. on a saturday in february--perhaps a strange idea. i've never felt so OLD! seeing all these teeny boppers running around with their shopping bags. i totally did that. i remember asking associates at american eagle if i could just have a shopping bag to carry around. so i would look cool. heaven help all those raising teenage girls.


went into vans and had my eye on a 16-year-old kid trying on high tops. i whispered to meredith, i wish i was young again. just so i could feel justified in thinking that little child was cute.

went to pretzel time (can i go to the mall without going to pretzel time? no. maybe i'm not so old after all) and the average age of workers was about 3 years old. they were so cute and little. i asked for pretzel sticks and they rolled their eyes: 'what are pretzel sticks?' oh. they must not have those anymore. they're called pretzel bites now. oh of course. i defied everything within me and started on a back in my day speech.

speaking of old--going home in five days to say farewell to chad. i cannot wait to see my friends. they're all going on missions within the next few months.

sean - currently in california.
jordan - currently in canada.
chad - canada in february.
matt - spain in april.
ren - spain in june.
trevor - chile in june.
rob - brazil in june.

how old am i? not spending the next 2 years living a foreign life. but not running around at 'the mall' giggling and crowing all the while.

02.21.08 post script: i found a gray hair today.

rugby.

my roommate kristi is on the byu girls' rugby team. went to a freezing + fun game on saturday to support.

transitions.

wrote this essay for a recent application, thought i'd share. feel free to scroll passed.

I remember attending new student orientation with my own freshman academy. We were invited to attend a discussion on intellectual discipline. Deliberation opened about habits of the mind and I was immediately flooded with the well-developed but only budding knowledge of my peers. I had never before experienced such brilliant answers. Instead of feeling I had nothing to offer, I listened intently.

That was the first of many happenings where I would find myself pleasantly and overwhelmingly surprised by the affinity my colleagues and I shared for knowledge, learning, and personal growth. At the beginning of my first semester, I found it inconceivable that my fellow students and I were all here for very different reasons, yet our reason was one and the same: to learn. It was and is so thrilling to be surrounded by people equally passionate about learning as I am. My first semester was full of fascination, high expectations, and absorption.

As enchanted as I was with the world on college and classrooms, I was confused about what to expect. My classes were very demanding. It was not, however, the demand that scared me. I knew I was capable of meeting those requirements, but I was uncertain whether I was willing. Any possible predictions I could have made about the outcome of my work were hazy. I couldn’t predict the future. This frightened me, and why shouldn’t it have? That is why the transition from high school to college is difficult—because it is scary. It is scary because we don’t know what to expect.

I made it though. The fear never lapsed into total inactivity, but it did occasionally subside. After warming up to professors, study habits, and test formats, I realized I could do the work, and I was willing to do it. And as I slide into the seat of my first semester of college, I am comfortable and my surroundings are familiar. I slide into the seat of self-confident assurance, and I no longer sit in fear. The day I slide into that seat is, of course, the last day of the semester. And I have no choice but to continue into a new path. I must start all over again.

For these reasons, I find I may not ever fully make the transition from high school to college. It seems to me that this transition is what life is all about—trying to hold on to who we were, while working toward the person we want to become. As we chart our way through this course, we won’t know what to expect. As soon as we expect correctly, the unexpected happens, and we are compelled to begin a totally new and unfamiliar, unpredictable course. The transition from high school to this university was my first confirmation that life is a continuous wheel of transition.

pita love.

at the pita pit. falafel. mmm.

isn't mere's hair cute?

old college v day

waking: took marta's advice.

walk: trudge through snow. can't wear boots on valentines. wouldn't be right. 

break: what better way to share my love than with bagel + shmear. 

evening: a party of sorts. c-cakes + hearts. 

party: bring out the elmers + the cheap stuff. 
party: meredith 
party: frosting kristi.
party: toothpicks on c-cakes
midnight mail: thanks meg. wonderful suprise :)

has 'v day' emerged just this year? it seems that is all i (or anyone around me) wants to call it. i love it. a whole 2 syllables shorter. 

campus: less people, less enthusiastic, less red + pink, less love than i would have hoped for.  no lacking on my part, though.  i love love more with each annual 14th. 

finding out marta's surprise. can you believe it?

my valentines: cup of goodness from mere. hearty heart from j. remember the day we met? best day of my life, hands down. 10 geckos. bead ones.  oatmeal cookie from kristi. kit kats + nemo valentine from mom. store-boughts + homemades. thank you all, i love love. 

first blind date tomorrow.  permitting all implications from spectators. 

cozy.

love this cozy. found on etsy. 

my word: 06

love -  [luhv]

- noun
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
6. a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.
7.
8. (initial capital letter) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.
9. affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.
10. strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.
11. the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.
12. the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.
13. Chiefly Tennis. a score of zero; nothing.
14. a word formerly used in communications to represent the letter L.
–verb
15. to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.
16. to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).
17. to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to love music.
18. to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight.
19. to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover.

pairs for the ages.

parker + kate: 1 month. 

charlene + kate: 9 years.

emily + jim: 4 years. 

dad + mom: 31 years. 

megan + me: 6 years. 

many more.

'2 is a good number to face the world with.'

- e.l. konisburg, about the b'nai bagels 

share your heart.

i love service on love day. a group of kids from my ward went to a local assisted-living center, the seville (thought i would include a link just in case?). they are putting on a month-long cruise inside the facility, and we helped create the atmosphere. 

v-day.

i had all kinds of plans to do all kinds of valentines posts. and ah! it is tomorrow. doesn't lessen my love for the day of love.  i absolutely love valentines day.  

made these little valentines with a new signature: chocolate-covered cinnamon bears. they are really popular at the byu bookstore--and i have decided to make them my new signature, until i learn to make cream-puff swans or something equally marvelous on my own. 

redefine service.

get to see my world, my idol (summer price), and my most recent old college try

watch here. 

hooray for:

morning rituals. top: walk to school with j. bottom: outdoor break with p + d.

sorry for my absence of late. no worries. just a little stress. pictures to come of my wonderful event on friday. happy to report a successful evening full of heartfelt service. planning to continue it on thursday for those who share the affinity i have for valentines but never have anything to do.

fun (and not at all humiliating) to be the only girl in a long line of bouquet-buying boyfriends at campus craft + floral. roses please. garden bunch please. gerber daisies please.

2 yards of pink ribbon and some cellophane bags for me please. 

have been enthusiastic about nectar + light's morning rituals. super fun, thank you.

hooray for: 

all new iMac lab in the jfsb.

coward-esque acts of courage. 

free pancake stacks at ihop. happy national pancake day. 

folded pieces of paper shoved in your pocket. 

a 2-week long, ward-extravaganza popsicle-stick tag game. 

photoshop. mmm.

sparkling cider at midnight with allison + joe.